The last few weeks have flown past, the last few days went even faster. Streaking past in blurs, all I seem to be left with are smears of colour and snippets of conversation.
Today was the last Monday I will ever work at my shop. My last day being Wednesday. All i can think about is waking up Tuesday morning and saying "Tomorrow is my last day,"... everything just seems so final now.
Despite desperately wanting to move to Edinburgh I find myself experiencing more trepidation than excitement. More fear than happiness and far more nightmares of failure than optimistic dreams of success. I suppose most people feel this way, though I tend to take it to an extreme.
It amazes me that anyone is able to achieve their dreams these days. In fact, I'm constantly amazed that people even bother dreaming. Living in the cold and cynical world that we do, surely 99% of the world should know that their dreams will never be anything but? Ah, but there is that 1% isn't there? That tiny fraction that we all desperately hope we will fall into.
I will be part of the exclusive club that gets what they always dreamed of. If I work hard enough. If I show I'm determined. Surely someone will see how much I want this? How much I need this? I can't be part of that majority that slaves away in a job that they hate. Growing more and more bitter with every day that passes. Every work colleague that I have to put up with. Every horrendous customer I have to smile and fawn over. Every shitty boss who's arse I need to kiss to gain that tiny extra step forward towards the life I want. The minuscule foothold up the slick cliff face that I struggle up, determinedly climbing towards my dream. My prize at the top. Until, exhausted and discouraged, your bloody fingers slip and you fall down further into the hell that you so desperately attempted to crawl out of.
Gosh. That was a bit depressing, wasn't it?
Hahahaha!
Sorry about that!
Look... you only get one life. You only get one youth. Just be sure that you are doing what is best for you. Don't wait until you have reached the end of your days to say, "hey, I actually am not very pleased with how things are going, to be perfectly honest,". Rather take the opportunity to think about what would be a bigger regret. Trying and failing? Or not trying and never knowing if you might have succeeded.
AT least if you try and things go pear shaped you can change the plan and see if, perhaps, there wasn't another dream hidden in your heart? One that you might like to have a go at? And so, we try again. Yes, we might fail a second time, but we might also succeed.
Be kind to one another.
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